Judged!  

Posted by: Angel

I hate how certain people love to judge your life based solely upon fb status. Its sickening to me. No things aren't perfect and no I definitely don't just sit around and do nothing all day just to avoid helping out someone whom I thought was my friend turns out it was a conditional friendship. It sucks b.c I really considered her one of my closest friends this year she and I have gotten close and over some things I wont repeat on here I don't even get acknowledge. Its sad and my feelings have been hurt b.c the person I turned to for advice and such has just dipped out and even more messed up refuses to tell me to my face why or what I did or why I deserve to just being a nobody to her. I mean don't get me wrong im not like down n out about this its just something that has been weighing on my heart a little. I don't ever try to hurt anyone ever and I try to help ppl when I can but if you don't talk to me and tell me why your mad then nothing gets resolved. I don't want or need drama . I don't ask ppl for help very often and all I need from my friends is every now ans then someone just to talk to. And I don't have that anymore with this person for reasons im not even sure of. Im sure she has a list of things but I can't apologize for something I don't know what I did. I take my friendships seriously. I don't have intentions on ever being shitty to people I don't ever try to do things to hurt ppls feelings and I will always own up to my mistakes but I have to be aware of them first. Also its a two way street. Friends need eachother all the time but if u don't ask people wont just offer. I love this girl like a sister I really do and it sucks cuz she wont even talk to me I think about her daily and her kids. I love being able to help ppl out and I will as long as my busy ass schedules don't conflict with it. Its sad that we don't talk so many times I have cried over shit I am going thru and not being able to pick up the phone and call her sucks. I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. I don't know if I should send an email but at this point I have tried to talk to her on fb and I just get ignored. What a shitty feeling that is but I can also understand how she feels alone dealing with her issues but don't push me out of your life I can help out its just certain days are soooo busy I can't even think straight. I have so much on my plate its hard to keep up. And to have noone to just cry too when things are so overwhelming is hard. I don't know I just wish she knew how upset I am over us not really being close anymore. I love her and her babies soooo much like consider them family. Even tho I am not able to be there to help as much I still would like to help in some way. I think of her often and I hope and have prayed that her health gets better and that maybe one day she will talk to me. I am afraid to send an email b.c I don't want there to be drama. I always have good intentions and whether she was able to see that or maybe she viewed it differently. I dont know but this is something that I really wish would get resolved. I miss her and the kids soooo much. Im not a hard ass I don't like hurting people but I am only human and I make mistakes and maybe my good intentions are over looked but honest to god I never meant to hurt her or make her feel I am not a good person or friend. She has helped and offered to do alot of things she didn't have to do but it almost feels like b.c I can't reciprocate it the same way that that makes me a bad friend. But the one and only reason I would appear to not care or be there is strictly b.c I have soooooo much going on that's all. Well I guess that's it I just needed to vent. I have started to send her an email but when I was being flat out ignored and proven that I don't mean shit to her my feelings became really hurt. I love hanging with her going to visit in the am seeing her kids that I love to death. I would love for them to spend the night here or just take em for a few hrs a day one day but she wont even talk to me:( and I feel like maybe I should email her but at the same time I have tried on fb and got completely ignored. So what does one do I mean im not going to chase her down maybe if she wants the friendship she will hit me up I doubt it but hopeful at the same time. We are going to the circus today and I thought of her n her babies but can't ask her b.c she wont speak to me. Sigh

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