I just don't know where to gofrom here I guess u can only go up from here! There comes a time where you have to risk it all inorder to stick up for yourself! Life is full of challenges and bumpy roads but in order to feel you can with stain the bumps and rough roadage you must have a secure spot so when the rough patches hit your not hurt . It's human nature to take from someone who is giving. It's hard when your the giving and being taken advantage of:( you don't know what you have til it is gone and too late. Emotional abuse is not okay in Any situation no matter what it's not okay for someone to daily emotionally tear upon down. My own fault for allowing it. I feel tho that I am going to be okay.

Today I am 29 plus one day. I had a good b day enjoyed spending time with my loved ones all that happy shit lol but there is still issues. Issues I don't know how to fix issues I can't fix. I got a phone msg from an old friend which was nice. I'm not sure the motives though. I have to still put faith in people and try to trust that not everyone has shitty motives. I hope things can be kosher with her although there was a horrible ending to our friendship I truly believe that I am a good person and my intentions were and never have been in a foul manner I find myself keeping to myself alot for fear of getting to close but I have a positive outlook fore if I don't it will drive me crazy

Why can't people keep it real I mean I understand little fibs here n there but man some ppl are so incredibly selfish. And I'm so sick of just letting things roll off my back like it's just okay all to avoid the drama that comes along with the conversation. Grrrr just be who you are and say what you mean and mean what u say don't talk about it be about it!

2012. What have you done? This is a year that has been filled with nothing but sorrow. Saddles is overflowing in the emotions of so many people I know and hold dear to my heart. My heart goes out to the people that have been hurting over losing a loved one. It's sad to say it takes something like losing a long time friend or childhood friend to put things into perspective. We concentrate and worry about all the petty shit that goes on. He took my parking spot. I had to tell her five times to do something. He won't talk to me. She gave me a dirty look. Even a break up. It's the bigger picture. You're given another day to live. To learn. To teach. To love. So why hate so much. I am guilty of this we all are but it's times like this where the lord sends us a wake up call. The economy is jacked and the world is going to shit. All we can do is try to focus on the hear and. Now. Everything thing that is expected and not appreciated is the message. I believe anyways. The ability to see and taste and smell...being able to wake up in the morning and get outta bed. Those who have kids...the health of your children. The ability to make decisions on your own. Things can always get worse and I really am going to just start being more aware of the things I do have instead of dwelling on the bad. You cannot change things that have already happened. But you can change the way you react to it. And I believe also that everything that happens there is a lesson to be learned.

Please 2012 enough with the amount of loss experienced by so many ppl

God bless

["I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love." - Mother Theresa

Does this even make sense. I hurt and hurt and hurt and seems to be no end to the amount of hurt I have felt the last few months. Granted I have felt worse no doubt and it can always get worse but what's worse than loving someone that don't love you back?

I am so excited that there is finally an app for pinterest. Yup that's all for this entry. Please follow me. Xo.

When you feel you are being done wrong....what do you do when you feel a friend is dogging on ya or a bf ....how do you approach someone on that issue. Is it worth the fight....why does it even have to be an argument. What do you do when you can't talk to the person u have an issue with. How do you go about any of it without the person getting defensive I mean it all boils down to noone gives a rats ass about your own feelings. Which is why you need to be on point when it comes to your own feelings. Noone is guna have ur back...not even your man. Now I am just venting this isn't a stab at anyone im just saying. Another thing that annoys me....people that do things ask your opinion and when you give it and its not what they wanted to hear then they become ghost in your life. Don't ask my opinion and honestly im guna stay true to myself no matter what. If it causes a friendship to be lost then so be it. If I don't agree with something and someone asks I am guna tell em. As long as u keep it real ppl should have no issue. Cept the ppl that refuse to keep it real with you. Why just cuz you don't agree with something someone does doesn't mean you deserve to be cut from their life and are given some bs every time u speak to them from there on out. Sucks to lose a friend awesome to gain one but shitty to think you gained a great friend just to find out they have never viewed you as anything more than way to get the 411 ugghhhh it is what it is no real way to change things. U can't change ppl u can only work on yourself. End of the day who wants to be friends with someone who don't wanna be friends with them....NOONE! keep it real always and who cares friends come and go...so the ones that wanna go .....let em! Chuck the deuces. Enjoy life and enjoy it with people that enjoy you. Even your partner will likely stab you in the back. Don't trust too many ppl they only pretend to care to once again gather info probably to make themselves feel better by making u look worse than them. Noone looks out for you except you. I don't have one friend that I would trust my life or my kids life with. I have friends and love em to pieces but there is a few I should just forget about. How can one person be so positive in your life yet so bad for you. Crazyy

[Life is not merely a series of meanlingless accidents, or coincidences. No, but rather it's a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite sublime plan......Serendipity]
Never lose faith.
I believe We all have a plan. Don't give up! When u have put a period at the end of your life, the lord replaces it with a comma and picks you up and says let me take the wheel! When you feel you have noone and everyone has written you off....the lord is still writing!
The footprint saying is one of my all time favorites. I believe full heartedly that every single person has a path they are to walk and even though we tend to try to take shortcuts...if you listen closely the lord will guide you back.

Swear if I don't start getting some sleep I may go insane...any ideas on house hold remedies

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Yesterday was our first annual UGLY CHRISTMAS SWEATER PARTY!!! WE HAD A BLAST!!! My girl throws the best get togethers! Best part is it was more like a family dinner with bomb ass goodies. I must say for this year being so rough the end of the year has been wonderful. I have a group of ppl in my life that are literally family! I have had such a great 4 months with these fools lol no matter what goes on families argue it happens but end of the day we pull it together to make things happen for the kiddies. Our kids had so much fun and at the end of the day that's what counts. My son loved the concept of our ugly sweater. Lol

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Ain't it funny how shady and purposely mean ppl can be! Just goes to show where u stand on their radar and where u have them on yours. I have had to realize my radar is full of people that absolutely do not deserve my time and energy. It is such a hard lesson learned! When a so called friend finds great happiness in hurting your feelings but being incognito by doing so....or thinking they are being incognito about it is kinda laughable. Thank you so much for making it so easy to dismiss you from my life! I don't have hate in my heart. I try to never hurt anyones feelings. But that's me and understanding that others aren't the same kinda disgusts me. It is what it is though! Just needed to vent!

posted from Bloggeroid

posted from Bloggeroid

So I have recently gotten in touch with my real dad. He wasn't in my life for most of the important years of my life. A lot of ppl think I shouldn't forgive so easy. They ask me why I don't make my dad tell me why he wasn't around. Frankly, I don't care tho
Maybe that makes me forgive too easy but I had to forgive and deal with daddy issues on my own years ago. Guess that sorta info I don't care about. Would it be nice to know...of course but I enjoy the relationship I have with him. Ever since corey passed away I really felt a void. My dad has filled it for the most part. Noone can or ever will replace corey but my real dad is awesome. We had a rocky road to start but now things are good. I do worry he will disappear again but if he did I would be upset but I know I will be okay without him. This will be the first time ever in my life that I get to spend it with my real dad!!!!!! And mother. Omg both parents biological genetic. Links in my life. Its kinda really nice. Up until now family was just a word. I didn't have anyone but my mom whom. Is my best friend. But with my father comes a huge family that takes Interest in my life and kids. My dad hasn't met my kids yet. Sooooo worried about that but I talked my dad into having dinner ans meeting the kids one of these days soon. I am realizing how lucky I am to have what I do have. Be grateful for what u have even if you feel what u have isn't much. How humbling it is. At this point in my life I have good friends family and healthy kids for the most part. Thank you lord for the things in life you have given me.

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How much are you willing to give if yourself in a friendship. I would almost best if I took a poll asking different age groups of women how much they contribute to a friendship the answers would be insane. The wise vs. The not so wise yet. When your like 22 you look at friendships as lifelines to happiness. As a 28 almost 29 yr old female reality of friendships have slapped me in the face a few times. I know that you don't give 100% to anyone. Watch what you say and never tell anyone anything that you don't want the world to know. I have also learned no matter how trustworthy I prove to be as a friend ....I will never get the same respect in return. There is a handful of ppl I talk to about things that go on in my daily life. In hopes to not be judged for it this time.

Brayden Ryan Murie enjoying his morning with his teacher and buddies!! This is the same school that is repeatedly trying to kick brayden out of full day. Soo frustrating....good thing my girl homeschools....

So there are some ppl in this world that nomatter what happens they can't let shit go. Pardon my language but I pride myself on learning more and more about how I can be a better person. I don't think I am a bad person but everyone can upgrade a lil. I am a bit of a smart ass and sometimes ppl don't get my humor. But when someone dishes it out you would think they wouldn't be so hypersensitive to jokes given back at them. Either way this situation I speak of happened just that way. And I apologized twice for it. Now months have passed....and we get a christmas card in the mail from this family and its addressed to everyone in this house except myself or my kids. Yet my bf and I are a family and to purposely not put us on the card knowing we live here too is just rude. Now when confronted about this all that was said is I was ignorant etc. Dogged out by the bfs best guy or used to be. I hate that a friendship is ruined over some dumb shit that they don't just let go after the sincerest apology was offered repeatedly. Ugh.