Judged!  

Posted by: Angel

I hate how certain people love to judge your life based solely upon fb status. Its sickening to me. No things aren't perfect and no I definitely don't just sit around and do nothing all day just to avoid helping out someone whom I thought was my friend turns out it was a conditional friendship. It sucks b.c I really considered her one of my closest friends this year she and I have gotten close and over some things I wont repeat on here I don't even get acknowledge. Its sad and my feelings have been hurt b.c the person I turned to for advice and such has just dipped out and even more messed up refuses to tell me to my face why or what I did or why I deserve to just being a nobody to her. I mean don't get me wrong im not like down n out about this its just something that has been weighing on my heart a little. I don't ever try to hurt anyone ever and I try to help ppl when I can but if you don't talk to me and tell me why your mad then nothing gets resolved. I don't want or need drama . I don't ask ppl for help very often and all I need from my friends is every now ans then someone just to talk to. And I don't have that anymore with this person for reasons im not even sure of. Im sure she has a list of things but I can't apologize for something I don't know what I did. I take my friendships seriously. I don't have intentions on ever being shitty to people I don't ever try to do things to hurt ppls feelings and I will always own up to my mistakes but I have to be aware of them first. Also its a two way street. Friends need eachother all the time but if u don't ask people wont just offer. I love this girl like a sister I really do and it sucks cuz she wont even talk to me I think about her daily and her kids. I love being able to help ppl out and I will as long as my busy ass schedules don't conflict with it. Its sad that we don't talk so many times I have cried over shit I am going thru and not being able to pick up the phone and call her sucks. I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. I don't know if I should send an email but at this point I have tried to talk to her on fb and I just get ignored. What a shitty feeling that is but I can also understand how she feels alone dealing with her issues but don't push me out of your life I can help out its just certain days are soooo busy I can't even think straight. I have so much on my plate its hard to keep up. And to have noone to just cry too when things are so overwhelming is hard. I don't know I just wish she knew how upset I am over us not really being close anymore. I love her and her babies soooo much like consider them family. Even tho I am not able to be there to help as much I still would like to help in some way. I think of her often and I hope and have prayed that her health gets better and that maybe one day she will talk to me. I am afraid to send an email b.c I don't want there to be drama. I always have good intentions and whether she was able to see that or maybe she viewed it differently. I dont know but this is something that I really wish would get resolved. I miss her and the kids soooo much. Im not a hard ass I don't like hurting people but I am only human and I make mistakes and maybe my good intentions are over looked but honest to god I never meant to hurt her or make her feel I am not a good person or friend. She has helped and offered to do alot of things she didn't have to do but it almost feels like b.c I can't reciprocate it the same way that that makes me a bad friend. But the one and only reason I would appear to not care or be there is strictly b.c I have soooooo much going on that's all. Well I guess that's it I just needed to vent. I have started to send her an email but when I was being flat out ignored and proven that I don't mean shit to her my feelings became really hurt. I love hanging with her going to visit in the am seeing her kids that I love to death. I would love for them to spend the night here or just take em for a few hrs a day one day but she wont even talk to me:( and I feel like maybe I should email her but at the same time I have tried on fb and got completely ignored. So what does one do I mean im not going to chase her down maybe if she wants the friendship she will hit me up I doubt it but hopeful at the same time. We are going to the circus today and I thought of her n her babies but can't ask her b.c she wont speak to me. Sigh

Six days and counting  

Posted by: Angel

Gosh I can't wait to go see my family. I need some contact with my brother other than over the phone
Its been a long time since I have been able to actually visit my aunt and uncle I think the last time I seen them was at my mamaws funeral :( sucks to visit under the circumstances but they are doing so good considering they should of died its an absolute miracle they are still alive. Lyss is coming with me and I couldn't be happier. Its some bonding time with just her and I . And my brother has a few choice words for his niece. Lol

Sooooo excited  

Posted by: Angel

Next Thursday I will be leaving to go visit my family in Tennessee and Georgia and I am bringing lyss with me. This is going to be awesome haven't seen them in a year now since my surgery super stoked! And lyss is soooo geeked gosh it couldn't get here any faster

Tomorrow  

Posted by: Angel

So I didn't get a chance to speak with the school so I have an appt tomorrow at 1230 so hopefully things go okay and i can get some answers. I am recording the entire convo due to the lack of professionalism this school is known for. But I got to visit my aunt and cousin which is good. Its been a while
now.

I haven't heard anything more about my aunt and uncle in Georgia but I am driving down to see them on may fourth. Thank god for them wearing helmets wow!

Busy busy  

Posted by: Angel

Yet another busy week full of stupid appts for both my babies. Picking up braydens baseball uniform today. I have to go to the school today and have a coming to jesus with the principle who thought it would be appropriate to tell my child next time he sees her will be on a & e . And gave her inschool for a text msg that was sent before school even started. Ugh this school pisses me off. Tomorrow I have to take both my kids to the doctors. Then I have kindergarten round up for my bay bay! He is getting sooooooo big it makes me sad.
My new pup makes up for my baby blues well kinda.

To think....  

Posted by: Angel

Ahhhh as if it wasn't bad enough with the shit going on with lyss but last night she found a bump near her breast. Ahhhhh my heart dropped. I played it cool told her we will get it looked at but it's scary. My mom has had non malignant nodules before few times so it runs in the family. Well guess it's more specialists. Thank God for the friends and family I have to be there for moral support. :)

Just a lot going on....  

Posted by: Angel

I have a book that keeps all my appointment s in it. B.c I am so incredibly busy. I have a few people that are aware of the kind of stress I am under on a daily basis.
As the weeks go by and I feel things are getting better yet another rocky road begins.
My daughter has been diagnosed with type two diabetes. And is being tested for a certain kind of thyroid disorder..... all in one week one appointment then two days after she gets suspended from school and this weekend I had to admit her into an all girls home. :) it's really hard b.c I do it alone. No support from her father. Nothing.
So I would just like to say that for the people who are go ing thru things BE GRATEFUL FOR HAVING THE FATHER AND FAMILY SUPPORT RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. B.c YOU can never imagine the pain and heartache one goes thru and to do it all alone is very sad.

Anniversary:/  

Posted by: Angel

I can't believe a year ago I was laying in the icu recovering from having a partial lung resection. Wow what has changed since then.
I felt very loved at the time and blessed and lucky for the people I had in my life supporting me throughout.
Little did I know that going thru that would cost me a life long friendship. But that's what happens in life. People are added and removed from your life for reasons.
I am grateful for everyone I have in my life and thank God for each day I am given.