Posted by: Angel

Wow its been a really really long time since i have blogged. A lot has happened in the last month month and a half. John and I broke up. I couldn't deal with the way I was treated. So now guys kinda suck....hate them so we go again right? nope i am sooo super straight on dating if you think you would like to date me please just keep on moving. I have no room in my life nor my heart for guys that are just fake. How can you feel something for someone and be so wrong about them?? Not looking for answers just questions that i ask myself that i know there are no answers to.

I never follow my gut and I should. The first red flagg went up and I didn't listen to myself ugh! Can't really fault him for my stupidity right.....So I guess I am back to blogging so at least i have an out right....


Posted by: Angel

Sometimes people come into your life & you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or help you figure out who you are & or who you want to become You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, professor, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger), but when you lock eyes with them, you know at the very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.
and sometime things will happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, & unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming these obstacles that you would have never realized your true potential, strength, will power, or heart
Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by mean of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness & sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without this small test, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe & comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.
The people that you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you will become Even the bad experiences are learned from. In fact, they are the most poignant ones.
If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love & how to open your heart & eyes to things.
Make everyday count. Appreciate every moment & take from those moments everything you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before & actually listen... Let yourself fall in love again, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right too.
Tell yourself that you are a great individual & believe in yourself. For if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make your life anything you wish.....Create your own life & then go out & live it with absolutely NO REGRETS. Most importantly, if you love someone tell him or her, for you NEVER know what tomorrow may have in store. And learn a lesson in life each day you live.
Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday.... Was it worth it?


Posted by: Angel

Big ups to crystal for getting me some followers! Thanks girl kinda feel popular lmao!

So for an update on my dads situation....He was put on the transplant list for a new heart on Thursday. Extremely scary!!!! His heart is only working at a 7% right now. He is being discharged and sent home wearing a life vest. Which i didn't know what that was but working in the medical field at the hosp. I did some research, asked my ANAM and she told me pretty much it is a Defibrillator that just sticks to you with leads kind of like an EKG or heart monitor when your in the hosp. It is temp. for right now but he is at risk for Cardiac Arrest so if his heart becomes arrythemic and he is not awake to disarm it the life vest is there to shock his heart. They are hoping with meds that his heart will strengthen on its own but they would like in a few months to put in A Ventricular Assist Device (VAD)which is implanted surgically and provides partial or total circulatory assistance to the natural heart. Since 1969, VADs have been used as support to sustain a patient’s life and maintain their other organ function while awaiting heart transplantation. It is a bridge to heart transplant! My dad is very active and is a volunteer fire fighter and first responder. He is a die hard Harley lover and rides his bike whenever he can. I am praying that a miracle can happen and his heart will strengthen on its own. If he gets the heart transplant it will change his entire life. I did research on heart transplants as well and 60% of ppl live 11.5 yrs after the transplant. The first year is the most critical but all of the statistics show no more than 70% of ppl survive the transplant. I guess those are good numbers considering. I mean its infection that really you have to look out for. He will be on immunospressives for the rest of his life to keep his body from attacking his heart. Which that ruins his immune system. He would have to go in every 3 months for biopsys of his heart to make sure there are no dead tissue and the body isn't fighting against his heart! He wont be able to do much of anything and its a whole new life style that cannot be taken lightly.
just to give you a little insight into the kind of person my dad is.....he lives in tennessee and they just had some massive tornados that did some serious damage to his town and the surrounding towns. Well him and my brother were out in the rain middle of the night moving trees and logs out of the road.....searching for ppls mobile homes...mind you my dad has a valve replacement 10 yrs ago along with a bypass and just major heart issues . So he shouldn't have been doing that but he stays active. So a heart transplant would wipe his life completely. Everything he has known to be normal and daily activities will be altered. When someone has even a minor cold he will have to be careful due to his immune system. I am really just so nervous for all of this. I hope with meds that his heart will strengthen.
Say a prayer for him please!

Still don't get it....  

Posted by: Angel

Am I just stuck on stupid errr what?? I am soo confused as to where to find things on these blogs i look at others blogs...i.e awards lmao still not understanding....i can't even get to my own dashboard..took me like 35 min. to figure out how to follow someone really ?!?!

My Favorite Movie Quotes  

Posted by: Angel

"This kind of certainty comes, but once in a lifetime." Clint Eastwood
(Bridges of Madison County)

"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."
(Shaw Shank Redemption)

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return."
(Mulan Rouge)

"You will never know love unless you surrender to it."
(Fools Rush In)

"Never knew I could feel like this, like I've never seen the sky before. Want to vanish inside your kiss and I love you until the end of time."
(Mulan Rouge)

"If your not willing to sound stupid, you're not worthy of falling in love."
(A lot like love)

"I would rather have tasted her lips just once, touched her skin, one time, and made love to her for one night, than spend the rest of my life without ever knowing that."
(City of Angels)

Yes, you are exactly my brand of heroin.

Grrr...the games  

Posted by: Angel

I am soo incredibly sick of the games that are played by boys. I mean every single guy out there plays mind games. I mean is that how it goes?? really?? You find yourself just giving into the ways of how things just real reason or explaination its just how it be in a relationship you must adapt to the "game playing" I just have the hardest time dealing with that. I don't understand why people can't just say what they mean and mean what they say...

Misleading vibes off of guys are just too much for me to deal! All of my friends cept me have someone to call their someone! Me not soo much maybe its cuz im too picky er too much against the game playing who knows. I am not guna just settle tho. I mean the only guys i seem to be into are the wrong ones the ones that are willing the mind F*** you and break your heart!

The nice boys the ones that would do anything for me well its always something. The attraction isn't there or they have stalker like qualities...etc.

Its just soo annoying to me to the point where i am becoming a real true "man hater"

I gave 9 yrs to a pos that did nothing but mind f*** me from day one. So to just talk to various guys and see that they are all the damn same is very discouraging to me.

I feel like if there is such a guy out there then he is going to make the initiative! Show me that just as much as i think of him he thinks of me. The who texts who first or "he hasn't called all day" games that men play I feel should not be played w. me if there really is a guy out there...that has the IT factor....

Ahh i feel much better now! I def. dont want to become a man hater but its really hard when all thats out there are d-bags that aint bout shit but telling u what you want to hear...I get red flags 32 seconds into a IM with a guy like really is there a sign on me that says OHHH please pick me Im the girl that lovess the retards....

yet another brick thrown  

Posted by: Angel

Man, as if my life couldn't get anymore complicated.....yet another brick is thrown at me! Awesome!!!! My house has been sold and now i have to move out in 30days....lmao really thats all i can do is just laugh it off cuz as long as i laugh about it I wont cry about it.

Now I know to a few of you that read this that think I dont know that you read this....Seeing me fail might bring some sort of evil heartless happiness to your life. I will say Your welcome now for that!

I am just going to trust that things are going to work out exactly the way they should! For whatever reason this house isn't where I am supposed to raise my children soo I am guna deal with the facts of that and move on!

ha Maybe I am supposed to move to Canada lmao!!!! who knows....


Posted by: Angel

So spring break is over and I couldn't be happier! LOL dont get me wrong I love spending time with my kids but man am i glad that they are back in school LOL!

So this is Day One of the way my life is going to be here on out...might sound a little confusing to some not knowing my current situation but I am extremely blessed! It is going to be hard, this i know but I pray that God will give me the strength to handle this!

Everything happens for a reason and its kinda ironic, usually when things happen that arent so great you dont really know the answer to exactly why it happened and you dont understand the lesson right away! But the lesson has slapped me in the face and the reason behind the heartache is evident!

I cannot be anything but greatful for how things have went down this year!

Its sad that ppl dont learn their lessons though....But again that is not anything I can control. I will just take what I have learned from all of this and make the appropriate changes needed! There is a long and trying road ahead for me and my children but we will get through it! That is a promise!

I am so greatful for the family and friends who have helped me and will continue to help me throughout all of this!

Friend or Foe??  

Posted by: Angel

I guess everyone is different when defining a friendship. A true friendship that is. To me a true friend is someone who has your ultimate best interest at heart always! Someone who when you are feeling down and out is there to pick you up, when you have a broken heart they are there to pick up the pieces!!! True friends are so hard to come by and sometimes you lose sight of what it really means to have such a friend in your life. It is not how much someone does for you that defines them as being a good person or friend but the fact that whenever your down, you know you can call them no matter what and they will stop what they are doing and just listen. I cherish my friendships with the few people i have them with because it is soo hard to find someone who is 100% real and true to you. You can't trust a lot of people. Most of the time when you confide in someone about some of the most personal things in your life they just use that information to their own advantage.

It saddens me to know that low blows can be made in a matter of seconds! Words are very hurtful sometimes esp. when coming from someone you consider to be the closest person in your life!

At the end of the day though you just have to pick yourself back up and move on with life. Everything happens for a reason. Relationships end and friendships fail but the earth still spins.....and if you continue to bottle things up and hold on to something that isn't there, you inturn are just making yourself a miserable person. I am trying for 2010 to be the best possible person i know i can be. If I am hated for that then so be it. I know in my heart that throughout it all i have had the purest of intentions!

No crazies for me.....  

Posted by: Angel

Ohh man do i know how to find all the crazies! I have been on this dating website for 2 weeks. Out of thousands of ppl I pick the crazies....ex.I was talking to this guy via e mail and he asks about the father of my children..I give him a cliff notes version of the history...well when i asked him about the mother of his kid he says to me "It's complicated, we live together but we are not together." WHOA! RED FLAG! and then there is Todd.....yea 38yrs old very immature. Would have been a good friend but after literally 2 encounters and like 5 kisses he's in love! Yup Im outtie. Not that I wouldn't mind finding Mr. Right, but I am not ready to move at warp speed.....He wasn't my type anyway. There was another guy totaly Douche bagg...tells me he lives in LP and is a professional MMA fighter....ummm and you live in LP ohh and he was married. Best part of this story is when we started IM'ing eachother he asked me to tell him about myself...when i started to omg he was like "no, I mean whats ur stats, bust size, pant size, what kind of stuff are you into orally cuz I am very talented!" OMG I COULDN'T HIT DELETE FAST ENOUGH! WOW!!!

I really am disgusted by the way men think they can just have it like that. Ewwwww....NO THANK YOU