A healing process they say......  

Posted by: Angel

Yes this is me " putting my whole life story on social media sites again" that being said I do have a support system but people have lives so I spend alot of my time in my own thoughts which kinda sucks. So my only way to vent is to blog about it.

My whole life has been full of curve balls and bumps in the road and I have been strong and able to get through each and everyone of them but this I am not so sure I can just be as strong this time. I feel like a piece of me is missing. My heart is broken. I busted my ass for two years to avoid this or these two things from happening. And now its happened and I don't know what to do how to I prepare for the next however long these things will take.......
I will not stop tho until this horrible kid is behind bars.

My car...  

Posted by: Angel

Oh my word with my car! Now dont get me wrong my car is all fixed and I am so happy for the awesome mechanic I had he taught me so much about my car I got to see where everything is under my car he showed me what happened and why it happened and quizzed me on what I will tell the shop that messed my car up. Which I got that down to a science so no worries there buuuuut I have to now go up there and get reimbursed for what they screwed up

Im home!!!!!  

Posted by: Angel

I am so glad to be home!!!! It was nice don't get me wrong but I missed my baby and my man and my lovely mi family oh and my puppy!!!! Being gone for almost two weeks makes me very humbled and grateful for all the ones in my life who support me and are there for me! Glad my girl and I got to make up hope to visit her face later this week! My daughter was so good she was polite and very good. It was a great bonding experience for us both and boy did we miss our brayden. I seen a post and it made me think long and hard about certain things that have been weighing on my heart. Those things that have bothered me don't and shouldn't mean shit to me. One person isn't worth the worry or even thought but at the same time its shitty cuz I thought we were friends. But realizing you were never really friends isn't something that I have learned over night. I have awesome people that adore my kids and love and accept me for me. I don't know why I tend to worry about the ones who could careless. Oh well I am in good spirits and am so happy to be home. Nothing else should matter. I had a great mothers day that was spent with my mom and family and joels entire family. Ray and dan met and talked and became friends discussing union shit lol guess men will bond over anything.
I have so much to do now that I am home I have ti go to fia office oops dhs office and to vet with nala drop more money I don't have blahhh I also am hopefully starting a job if the position is open still. I will have to call in a few

Haha road trip number two!  

Posted by: Angel

Ahhhh so nothing else to do except blog for now got a few things to get off my mind.
Omg with the drama down here between my dad n brother its ridiculous and I am stuck in the middle its pretty lame but still in good spirits as far as that goes!

Now something that I find laughable is the fb delete I got lol good thing she did it before I had a chance too. I am so sick and tired of the retarded way this girl thinks. Your a shitty friend bro. Its not all about u . U look for reasons to be pissed and to dog me on fb like we are in hs or no middle school. Pick up a phone like a woman and tell Me what ur problem is. That's what a real friend does u don't just get to be rude and hurtful over two things I know of that I couldn't control. My kids come first whether its appts or t ball either way I didn't do anything wrong for the attitude and bs I have been given from you. But I am only blogging about it b.c unfortunately talking like women don't work! Oh wait that's right we never had issues before til u created them in your own mind. How dare you act like your better than me. And that ur some sort of great friend. How about inviting me more than the day its on or whatever. U show no interest in me or my life what so ever. I thought and considered u a close friend so this all of this is a slap In the face. But trust that this will be my last blog about this topic. I have no time to play middle school kid shit with anyone. Shit happens things come up holding a grudge and putting some dumb shit on fb is very much some bullshit. U don't care how u make others feel its all about how someone makes u feel. I tried to get close with her and it was only a matter of time before some dumb shit happens I knew it. I have no need to fight and argue with my friends. My real friends. Im over it.

Vacation blogg  

Posted by: Angel

So this has been a very odd beginning to my vacation. My car took a shit and just decided not to work anymore lol if u know me u know u would just have to laugh it off which is what I did. In a potentially extremely stressful situation I remained calm as did kevin so alyssa wouldn't get anymore scared. We did some problem solving and figured out a plan that is being executed beautifully :) I am now laying out in the gorgeous sun. Listening to the quietness, calmness and sounds of nature. This is where I shall remain for the remainder of this day. Tomorrow we head to the ATL BABY!!! LOL I can't wait to get there and see my aunt n uncle. Was so worried about not being able to get there. Wheew! Once we get there its smooth sailing stay two days come back to my brothers and enjoy another couple days :)

Almost time....  

Posted by: Angel

I am super excited lyss and I leave for Tennessee/Georgia in two days. I am sooo excited to see my family. And to just get away things are so stressful here. Appointments all the time non stop and not really having. Much help joel helps when he can but there's not much he can do & lyss wuz heree (;
Lol got hacked earlier ..
It will be nice to just clear my head. My fuse is short these days but people are just being weird about dumb shit and im just overwhelmed. U get what u give. I am not going to overly exert myself for someone who clearly don't attempt even a little about me my kids my life not so much as a comment yet all on fb just straight rudeness its uncalled for!!!!!! If you don't like me cool if you would rather be rude make comments and speak about me behind my back instead of telling me then fine by me. Im exhausted by real things in life. I don't have the energy in me to fight and argue about something so ridiculous. Grasping straws! Im over it you hurt my feelings more than once and not one time apologize but want to attempt to call me on being a bad friend.
Anyways.....like I said I can't wait to get away! :) all smiles tomorrow is Wednesday which Wednesdays are always busy but extra busy I cuz b has tee ball game awwwww n he n his team is sooo cute.


Posted by: Angel

I hate how certain people love to judge your life based solely upon fb status. Its sickening to me. No things aren't perfect and no I definitely don't just sit around and do nothing all day just to avoid helping out someone whom I thought was my friend turns out it was a conditional friendship. It sucks b.c I really considered her one of my closest friends this year she and I have gotten close and over some things I wont repeat on here I don't even get acknowledge. Its sad and my feelings have been hurt b.c the person I turned to for advice and such has just dipped out and even more messed up refuses to tell me to my face why or what I did or why I deserve to just being a nobody to her. I mean don't get me wrong im not like down n out about this its just something that has been weighing on my heart a little. I don't ever try to hurt anyone ever and I try to help ppl when I can but if you don't talk to me and tell me why your mad then nothing gets resolved. I don't want or need drama . I don't ask ppl for help very often and all I need from my friends is every now ans then someone just to talk to. And I don't have that anymore with this person for reasons im not even sure of. Im sure she has a list of things but I can't apologize for something I don't know what I did. I take my friendships seriously. I don't have intentions on ever being shitty to people I don't ever try to do things to hurt ppls feelings and I will always own up to my mistakes but I have to be aware of them first. Also its a two way street. Friends need eachother all the time but if u don't ask people wont just offer. I love this girl like a sister I really do and it sucks cuz she wont even talk to me I think about her daily and her kids. I love being able to help ppl out and I will as long as my busy ass schedules don't conflict with it. Its sad that we don't talk so many times I have cried over shit I am going thru and not being able to pick up the phone and call her sucks. I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. I don't know if I should send an email but at this point I have tried to talk to her on fb and I just get ignored. What a shitty feeling that is but I can also understand how she feels alone dealing with her issues but don't push me out of your life I can help out its just certain days are soooo busy I can't even think straight. I have so much on my plate its hard to keep up. And to have noone to just cry too when things are so overwhelming is hard. I don't know I just wish she knew how upset I am over us not really being close anymore. I love her and her babies soooo much like consider them family. Even tho I am not able to be there to help as much I still would like to help in some way. I think of her often and I hope and have prayed that her health gets better and that maybe one day she will talk to me. I am afraid to send an email b.c I don't want there to be drama. I always have good intentions and whether she was able to see that or maybe she viewed it differently. I dont know but this is something that I really wish would get resolved. I miss her and the kids soooo much. Im not a hard ass I don't like hurting people but I am only human and I make mistakes and maybe my good intentions are over looked but honest to god I never meant to hurt her or make her feel I am not a good person or friend. She has helped and offered to do alot of things she didn't have to do but it almost feels like b.c I can't reciprocate it the same way that that makes me a bad friend. But the one and only reason I would appear to not care or be there is strictly b.c I have soooooo much going on that's all. Well I guess that's it I just needed to vent. I have started to send her an email but when I was being flat out ignored and proven that I don't mean shit to her my feelings became really hurt. I love hanging with her going to visit in the am seeing her kids that I love to death. I would love for them to spend the night here or just take em for a few hrs a day one day but she wont even talk to me:( and I feel like maybe I should email her but at the same time I have tried on fb and got completely ignored. So what does one do I mean im not going to chase her down maybe if she wants the friendship she will hit me up I doubt it but hopeful at the same time. We are going to the circus today and I thought of her n her babies but can't ask her b.c she wont speak to me. Sigh

Six days and counting  

Posted by: Angel

Gosh I can't wait to go see my family. I need some contact with my brother other than over the phone
Its been a long time since I have been able to actually visit my aunt and uncle I think the last time I seen them was at my mamaws funeral :( sucks to visit under the circumstances but they are doing so good considering they should of died its an absolute miracle they are still alive. Lyss is coming with me and I couldn't be happier. Its some bonding time with just her and I . And my brother has a few choice words for his niece. Lol

Sooooo excited  

Posted by: Angel

Next Thursday I will be leaving to go visit my family in Tennessee and Georgia and I am bringing lyss with me. This is going to be awesome haven't seen them in a year now since my surgery super stoked! And lyss is soooo geeked gosh it couldn't get here any faster


Posted by: Angel

So I didn't get a chance to speak with the school so I have an appt tomorrow at 1230 so hopefully things go okay and i can get some answers. I am recording the entire convo due to the lack of professionalism this school is known for. But I got to visit my aunt and cousin which is good. Its been a while

I haven't heard anything more about my aunt and uncle in Georgia but I am driving down to see them on may fourth. Thank god for them wearing helmets wow!

Busy busy  

Posted by: Angel

Yet another busy week full of stupid appts for both my babies. Picking up braydens baseball uniform today. I have to go to the school today and have a coming to jesus with the principle who thought it would be appropriate to tell my child next time he sees her will be on a & e . And gave her inschool for a text msg that was sent before school even started. Ugh this school pisses me off. Tomorrow I have to take both my kids to the doctors. Then I have kindergarten round up for my bay bay! He is getting sooooooo big it makes me sad.
My new pup makes up for my baby blues well kinda.

To think....  

Posted by: Angel

Ahhhh as if it wasn't bad enough with the shit going on with lyss but last night she found a bump near her breast. Ahhhhh my heart dropped. I played it cool told her we will get it looked at but it's scary. My mom has had non malignant nodules before few times so it runs in the family. Well guess it's more specialists. Thank God for the friends and family I have to be there for moral support. :)

Just a lot going on....  

Posted by: Angel

I have a book that keeps all my appointment s in it. B.c I am so incredibly busy. I have a few people that are aware of the kind of stress I am under on a daily basis.
As the weeks go by and I feel things are getting better yet another rocky road begins.
My daughter has been diagnosed with type two diabetes. And is being tested for a certain kind of thyroid disorder..... all in one week one appointment then two days after she gets suspended from school and this weekend I had to admit her into an all girls home. :) it's really hard b.c I do it alone. No support from her father. Nothing.
So I would just like to say that for the people who are go ing thru things BE GRATEFUL FOR HAVING THE FATHER AND FAMILY SUPPORT RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. B.c YOU can never imagine the pain and heartache one goes thru and to do it all alone is very sad.


Posted by: Angel

I can't believe a year ago I was laying in the icu recovering from having a partial lung resection. Wow what has changed since then.
I felt very loved at the time and blessed and lucky for the people I had in my life supporting me throughout.
Little did I know that going thru that would cost me a life long friendship. But that's what happens in life. People are added and removed from your life for reasons.
I am grateful for everyone I have in my life and thank God for each day I am given.

Had a great weekend.  

Posted by: Angel

Finally I had such a good weekend. Spent it with family and great friends. It was much needed. Had a bbq yesterday and everyone came over. Melissa and I made up. Lyss and jazmine hung out and played on the trampoline together. Tiff and I were shocked.:) food was great and the company was even better. I got some much needed snuggle time with mah love.

On a lighter note....  

Posted by: Angel

Things seem to be looking up for me as far as dealing with this depression and serious mood swings:( whew! It was rough for a while.
So glad to have the few people I do:) they kinda rock.
Things with Joel are finally better which is soooooo awesome!
The coffee today tastes especially good today:) lol
Denny and I had family therapy with alyssa well I kinda sat and listened while The entire conversation was about dani. Go figure! But few things set in place so that lyss and her dad can get back their relationship.
I don't know what is going to happen with lyss but I do know her and I have a great relationship. She tells me everything. I mean eevveerryyyyything some things I can live without knowing. Lol I mean don't get me wrong she has a smart mouth and always could use an attitude adjustment but what 12 yr old don't.


Posted by: Angel

It's soooo annoying. Omg I seriously don't know what to do but it's become very bothersome. If it's not an " accidental " phone call three times a month it's random friend requests and now on pinterest with nothing but rude things to say. Just leave me alone how bout that. Your wife and I are not friends anymore so why hit me up we were friends only were b.c of your wife......taking immature stabs at me is getting ridiculous to say the least.
Now I was told to " leave you the fuck alone " get a life blah blah yet I feel like I am being stalked. Random pics sent to my email the other day followed by a FB friend request. Just stoppppppp! I don't bother you we are not a part of eachothers lives anymore haven't been for a longgg time. Let me be. It's weird if things were going so great in your life why I would be of such priority grrrrrr.

I need to vent  

Posted by: Angel

So typically I wouldn't even waste my time blogging about something like this but it's really frustrating when someone is purposely being shitty to you for absolutely No reason.

I am not working b.c of all the things that have went on with my oldest. The amount of appointments and things I have to do daily can be very overwhelming to say the least.
Sorry your pissed at me for not freeing up my appointments to accommodate yours but in my world my kids come first.
You dogg out your friends on FB for not dropping what they are doing to help you out yet your ghost when your friends need something even just a phone call.
I absolutely do not have time in my life to deal with a so called friend who requires such attention. It's ridiculous that you would assume that everyone of your friends will just be at your beckon call. If you need something ask. Don't expect us to track you down and beg you to watch your kids like seriously. I offered and you declined sooooo to try and put some shit out on FB making it out to be that you have some shady friends is bull shit. Then when I ask about it u purposely ignore me.
Aren't we adults here.....
Your reason is you didn't want to drive in a circle well sorry but sometimes you have to if that means u have a sitter. And welcome to be ing a mom. I can't tell you how many times I have worried every day about not having a sitter. It's part of life it's part of being a mom.

I am so livid at how absolutely spoiled rotten you are acting. I don't have time to chase u and beg u to let me watch ur kids. You tell me No problem u got it covered yet your posts on fb are a direct insult to me and tiff. Who might I add was at work all day. And yes I enjoyed the nice day with my son so freaking what. Where the hell do u get off being mad at anyone about enjoying a nice day with their kids.
I can't even describe how disrespected I feel right now and I am seriously considering even being your friend anymore. I call u don't answer I text u don't respond I offer u ignore me so that's your fault your bad. Sorry sweetie but the world does not revolve around you.
Ohh and I even offered to go with you to your appointments and yet I'm shitty what everrr

Friend or foe  

Posted by: Angel

It's really hard to trust anyone these days. The people you once thought were there for you tend to let you down a lot. People are very selfish and it's pretty pathetic.
I like doing things to help out my friends might not be a lot at times but I do what I can and I do it not to expect something in return. So many people will help you or attempt to do things to help and then you realize it was a complete set up b.c what they were really doing was testing you to see if you are willing to do the same regardless of circumstances.

Fake it to make it.  

Posted by: Angel

I don't understand why people insist on pretending life is so grand and perfect and lovely! Makes me sick how fake ppl will be just so others view them in a certain wayyy! Esp via fb. It's quite laughable but me I will just keep it real although I don't post it on FB life sucks. Always has and always will I assume!!!! I can't help but wonder where life is taking me if only I could see even a year from now that would be helpful. My baby girl is having thyroid issues and now we have to see a specialist at children's hospital. Damn I was just there with my baby boy. Oh and that was quite an interesting day for me. Grandpa shows up with his new wife and her daughter brandi <- hate herrr and her kid who conviently enough is having surgery same day and time as brayden ha what are the odds lol out of all the people to see it had to be him and them. Mom kept her cool which I was proud of .....he didn't say a word to me or my son or my mom he did however speak yo ray which was weird. I guess it bothers me b.c I know my oma would have been there for us and seeing him reminds me of just how fucked up this family really was. I mean I don't consider him family haven't for a long time but the memories still bother me. Enjoy my gmas money and house and cars.... God don't like ugly and u will have to answer to someone for your actions. I don't understand why life brings people together at the same place and time like what the he'll is the meaning of it. The point of it all is to be understood! I am glad and so very thankful for my mother she truly is my best friend I don't know what I would do without her in my life. She is the only one who has stood by me thru it all good bad and ugly. I can't imagine my life without my mom she truly is my saving grace! I may not have a ton of family and a ton of friends but the few people in my life that are family and friends I truly cherish! Depression is No joke and I have been battling with it for a little while now and some days are good and other days not soooo much! But No matter what I know I have somewhat of a support system. I don't know how to pull myself out of this funk it's pretty painful on most days......I barely have the motivation to get out of bed it's my kids who keep me going and somehow for my babies I am able to find the strength to get shit done!!!! Although my daughter gives me more gray hair than desired her and brayden are my world and without them I would have nothing to live for. No desire to do anything. On another note my life is much more in order than it was even a year ago. Gosh I wouldn't change a single thing that has happened in the past.... well okay maybe I would change a few things but nothing major. Everything happens for a reason. Ahhhhh it's been so long since I last blogged


Posted by: Angel

Sometimes being an adult sucks! Your forced to do things you don't want to do and expose yourself to ppl you can't even stand to be around. To be a mature adult one must go to the child's b day party and smile and hope that neither one of them says a word to you. Knowing it's guna be so ackward and uncomfortable but that's where being an adult sucks. Have to suck it up and be the bigger person. even though the maturity level of the couple combined doesn't add up to my sons age..... it shouldn't be that hard to be the bigger person! I would like nothing more than to tell the both of them exactly how I feel and how others see it as well! Grudges are held onto by very closed minded people. Very square individuals who have so many other issues they couldn't possibly see their own flaws through the wreckage of a brain they have. People that like to joke around alot and talk shit to ppl alot... pretending to be better in everything in everyway shouldn't wear their emotions on their sleeve. Don't dish it out if you can't take it. After an apology was sincerely in place that's when you get to see the kinda person your really dealing with..... I hope hating me at some point becomes exhausting b.c I couldn't imagine dealing with ever having thoughts of either one of you even on a weekly basis! I don't know why ppl would put so much energy into someone they dislike so very much. I am excited to see a gremlin up close and personal lol sorry very immature of me. Couldn't resist!!!!!
See I was raised with two older brothers and a younger brother and a dad who was the biggest smart ass so I learned very quickly how to snap back with come backs just as hard and when I got older even harder! I learned all too early how to give it right back! But I am also not the kind of person to purposely hurt someone's feelings. And when I am wrong I do apologize but if u choose to not accept it then I wash my hands of you. And that's that. Why keep on causing issues and running your mouth. Why when it's about your kids party am I the first thing you talk about.? God I would hate that someone else is allowed that type of mind control.


Posted by: Angel

THE proof is in the pudding! A true test of time with critical events to follow. My magnifying glass is out!
They say it takes 3 weeks to learn a new habit or change of habit. Only someone truly dedicated to change will allow such magnificent results! Change happens everyday. Everything changes all the time day to day yet everything seems so repetitive! It is only when rock bottom has been hit that some will then have their moment of clarity! Sometimes tho when one finally sees their own faults and the severity of it....it's too late. So much damage has been done it becomes a questionable situation. Can things be repaired? Can't trust be reinstated? Can the normalcy that once was be restored? A true test of time...and commitment! I have not a clue what tomorrow brings so daily I am thankful for being allowed another day no matter what is going on or how bad things seem.

I would hate to lose the moon while busy counting the stars!

Contradicting ones self.  

Posted by: Angel

The hardest thing time do is to look at your own wrong doings and acknowledge it. Then the need to correct it requires change. Change can be very scary but this last year I have done a lot of self reflection. I can sleep so much better at night knowing I'm a true person. I used to be afraid to speak my mind but all that does is give certain people the power to walk all over me. Or in this case play games. Mine games. Why do people insist on living a lie. Just to try to make your self look and appear something your not. Why make an attempt to come into someone's life after all that has happened and attempt to make amends when it is a lie. You have to hide it from others b c the drama isn't worth it but everyone deserves a person. ESP if the person capable of being your person has fantastical intentions with not a single shady motive.
That being said when it's a situation.that is unchangeable... I have learned just to charge it to the game! And shut that chapter completely. It's not worth it. The second you find that there is nothing positive that would out weigh all the negative then there isn't a single reason to give it anymore of your time or energy. Mentally you have to just let go. It's a sad situation that has done so much damage words thrown that cannot ever be forgotten or really forgiven. Saying it and doing it is where the contradicting comes in. Everything is easier said then done. There are times when you really miss that friendship even tho the outcome is always going to be the same we all have feelings and things and memories that make us wish so bad that certain things weRe done differently. life sucks in that sense. Biggest lessons are learned the hard way! The painful way. I'm the kind of person whom ppl really mistake me as a person who is naive and not very strong and not someone who is hard to lie too. Oh she will believe anything lol I kind of like it that way b.c when you underestimate my intelligence that only makes it so much easier on me:) I am aware I tell ppl info that they could use against me but being an open book works for me. I don't want to try to be something I'm not just so someone can't talk shit. Who cares what anyone thinks they don't live your life and have never walked a day in your shoes. And on that note I will end this.

Riddle me this...  

Posted by: Angel

So I have no car well no legal car at the moment so who would I look toward for assistance obviously my bf well what I am about to explain is something that has happened twice now. In an argument we were having he decides after I fill his gas tank up of course that I ain't allowed to use his car. I had to walk to pick up my son's script just for them not to have it of course. Walk all the way back and they call to say they do have it. Ugh. My kids had no way to school if it weren't for their father who came to pick them up this morning. Mind you regardless of any fighting I let him use my car all the time when he had no car. Then he is guna say I use him. Lmao I pay for everything. He don't pay for shit. I'm so sick of this shit that's so shady and if he really cared about my kids he wouldn't take it out on them knowing I only need his car to take my kids to and from school

Happy Valentine's day  

Posted by: Angel

I hate this day it makes for ppl like me who don't have a picture perfect life very depressed. Joel and I got back together just to break up. Again. I did it and he agrees that it's what's best we are ruining eachother. We are so much alike it is sickening. Our complaints are very similar.
Reflection is something everyone should do. I look at situations alot and try to figure out what role I played and the demise of our relationship is def b c when given the power like I gave Joel he took advantage of it. Walked all over me and that's my fault I fall too hard. And I allowed certain behavior to happen all many times that it became routine to get talked to like a pos.
I get no respect b.c I don't force it. I didn't stick up for myself not one time and he knew I wasn't going anywhere! So anyways it's over and yes I am sad but at the same time a little relieved. I know what I want and I thought he was it. He was supposed to be my best friend and always have my back but when that person becomes more of an enemy than someone you would talk too about anything u know things are so bad and maybe there isn't any turning back from that. I don't know.anymore!
All I know is noone deserves to be physically or emotionally abused regardless of what the issue is. And that has to be my motivation.
I wish he could just see it from my point of view. I could never even see him not in our lives and I can't see myself with someone else yet we cannot be together cuz I love myself more then to allow someone to simply dog me, out whenever the feeling arises
Riddle me this:
I am sitting on the bed crying to him and asking him to talk to me he pulls cover over his face turns out the light and says " shut up " ever since then I haven't really been able to give him my all. I can't tell you how many times he has hoed me when talking about our relationship. I'm a bitch yes but I show him my feelings and that I care and he just says I am emotional. Too emotional. Which when I think about it he is prolly right. I am. That's where I made all my mistakes. I came into this with an open mind and heart and quickly found myself emotionally stuck if you will. Never allow someone that power over,you. They will always use that power to their advantage and then u find urself heart broken b.c that person is taking complete advantage of you.
This is my blog my version thru my heart as I see n feel it. That's not to say I'm not wrong for things . I am very wrong for thinkn he was any different from anyone else.
It's sad b.c we can be such a great team but you can't make someone try or want to try. So when that's the case u have to remove yourself. When you realize things are not in the best interest of the kids and yourself then it's time to go. I don't want anyone else I will make that clear I love him so much but again you can't make someone be something they aren't and maybe just maybe this is how it's supposed to be. Sad to say but it is prolly the closest to the truth. My kids are u world and in the beginning he helped all the time with the kids and being a real family but just as men do he became bored I think and maybe that's why he,stopped but see they are my kids and I don't get to just stop and start and stop and start. .I am a mom 24/7 and I need someone who is human be there actively be there through it all without giving up.
Anyways that's all for now. I'm single now so I have alot more to blog about so stay tuned!

Happy day  

Posted by: Angel

Joel and I are officially back together! Which rocks considering last v day was horrible lol cruel intentions is all I am saying. The babe and I are making Valentine's day gifts for eachother awww

How to forgot and forgive  

Posted by: Angel

I have a friend whom things have been rocky for a while but this friend was more like a sister to me for over five years our kids literally grew up together and we had a falling out big time. Now as I see it life is too short to hate. It's exhausting to dislike someone. One of the hardest things is to take back the stones thrown. This friend I swore off for life until recently but it sucks that our friendship has to be kept a secret. For fear of drama in her life. Things are weird in the sense that we can't really be there for one another. How do we learn to trust again. How do we learn to be able to confide in that person again. To tell them things that is so personal and not to be judged or allowing ammunition with given info. I hope that this can be repaired. .am I too forgiving? I think when it comes to friendships I am only as forgiving then the next. Being able to let go is the greatest thing.

Two of the same  

Posted by: Angel

Can two of the same people be together and have a successful relationship. I find that Joel and I are so similar that we clash more than anything. It's like looking thru a glass mirror. .am I the way he views me and is he as I view him. Are we just so much a like that we constantly are calling eachother out on our own flaws. Both Aquarius both sensitive both stubborn and both very much insecure in this relationship. True talk! But there is just something that keeps me holding on. I can't see myself without him and him without I so then what is the problem ugh we gotta get through this we have to

I wonder  

Posted by: Angel

Sometimes I wonder if ppl are put into our lives just to simply test us. Test our boundaries see how far we will let them go before there is that line drawn between work thru it and deal breaker. Wait please tell me that's not human nature. It's so weird how woman can tell the future just by watching how a man will show his. Ass! And what why are we supposed to be understanding of their unemotional and fragile egos. Stroke his ego make him feel needed. Horse shit! They don't do this for us yet we need oven mit's on to deal with them coommmmeeee ooonnnn now! They are not children yet reverse psychology works lmao! ™ I am able to feel comfort in knowing that I am a good person and I deserve to be treated with respect. I give my all in every relationship especially this one. I am on top of all this dumb ass relationship crap I am dealing with depression and ocd and adhd which is all new to me well kind of knowing it or thinkn it is one thing but being told yup your screwed up oh and generalized anxiety disorder. My anxiety is thru the roof and my relationship or lack of one is def not helping things. Sometimes I just feel so alone. Noone understands what it's like or where I am coming from I don't tell many ppl anything anymore cuz then I get judged for it or I hear I told you so or you deserved it. So keeping to myself is usually cool cept sometimes a girl needs to vent. Sometimes a girl just needs her man to hold her kiss her n say it's guna be okay. Why does that seem like that is too much to ask?

Ahhhhhaaaa moment  

Posted by: Angel

I always have these ahhhhaaa moments after I have been blinded by love. I shouldn't just settle for something that isn't what I thought it was. I am so in love it's ridiculous yet I am the only one who seems to care what happens to us. Life is so short why consume yourself with worry about another...when truth be told no matter what the situation is you can't make or force someone to change even if it means for the better if they don't want it it WON'T HAPPEN!!!! and even if you know that down the road they will have made that change and will have regrets for their actions It will have been too late. And even if you know that the love you have is perfect and can become something extraordinary! ( grey's anatomy lol) if they don't want it it won't happen. No matter how sad it makes you and how many times you find yourself completely heart broken a many times you have to think about what's best overall for yourself and your children. So many times I have found myself allowing things to happen or go on that puts the value of self worth on the clearance rack and it has become some what routine for men to disrespect me. I am fooled with acts of normalcy. Family values! It's all I want. But once you decide your in you must live up to the promises prior! But all too often it's all a lie! Or they just give up. And it becomes a game. When they try I'm so far from being able to just say okay yay! Your back! I am past my breaking point. Being alone used to be something I feared! But these days I'm alone. And I'm becoming okay with that. And actually if I really think about it I have been doing it alone for a really long time and how,sad is it that it's become so routine that I didn't even realize. My feelings on the back burner as usual! I am fine with it in the sense my babies come,first. I have learned so much in the last year my brain is,on overload. But it's something I thank God for every day. I have my daughter back and both my kids are with me all the time and I am able to take the time each day to spend special time with Alyssa just talking and when I need to discipline she respects me. So nice to work so hard at something so vital like parenting and see results that are pleasing. So yes I have things more important than any relationship to be sooo thankful for. :) and I know I can do that all by myself. And so what if I end up alone I'm pretty awesome and can entertain myself really easy random ppl are always more fun. Lol but it's not the end of the world if I end up alone. I have my kids and they mean more to me than any guy ever will!

So sad......  

Posted by: Angel

I just don't know where to gofrom here I guess u can only go up from here! There comes a time where you have to risk it all inorder to stick up for yourself! Life is full of challenges and bumpy roads but in order to feel you can with stain the bumps and rough roadage you must have a secure spot so when the rough patches hit your not hurt . It's human nature to take from someone who is giving. It's hard when your the giving and being taken advantage of:( you don't know what you have til it is gone and too late. Emotional abuse is not okay in Any situation no matter what it's not okay for someone to daily emotionally tear upon down. My own fault for allowing it. I feel tho that I am going to be okay.


Posted by: Angel

Today I am 29 plus one day. I had a good b day enjoyed spending time with my loved ones all that happy shit lol but there is still issues. Issues I don't know how to fix issues I can't fix. I got a phone msg from an old friend which was nice. I'm not sure the motives though. I have to still put faith in people and try to trust that not everyone has shitty motives. I hope things can be kosher with her although there was a horrible ending to our friendship I truly believe that I am a good person and my intentions were and never have been in a foul manner I find myself keeping to myself alot for fear of getting to close but I have a positive outlook fore if I don't it will drive me crazy


Posted by: Angel

Why can't people keep it real I mean I understand little fibs here n there but man some ppl are so incredibly selfish. And I'm so sick of just letting things roll off my back like it's just okay all to avoid the drama that comes along with the conversation. Grrrr just be who you are and say what you mean and mean what u say don't talk about it be about it!

. Dear 2012.  

Posted by: Angel

2012. What have you done? This is a year that has been filled with nothing but sorrow. Saddles is overflowing in the emotions of so many people I know and hold dear to my heart. My heart goes out to the people that have been hurting over losing a loved one. It's sad to say it takes something like losing a long time friend or childhood friend to put things into perspective. We concentrate and worry about all the petty shit that goes on. He took my parking spot. I had to tell her five times to do something. He won't talk to me. She gave me a dirty look. Even a break up. It's the bigger picture. You're given another day to live. To learn. To teach. To love. So why hate so much. I am guilty of this we all are but it's times like this where the lord sends us a wake up call. The economy is jacked and the world is going to shit. All we can do is try to focus on the hear and. Now. Everything thing that is expected and not appreciated is the message. I believe anyways. The ability to see and taste and smell...being able to wake up in the morning and get outta bed. Those who have kids...the health of your children. The ability to make decisions on your own. Things can always get worse and I really am going to just start being more aware of the things I do have instead of dwelling on the bad. You cannot change things that have already happened. But you can change the way you react to it. And I believe also that everything that happens there is a lesson to be learned.

Please 2012 enough with the amount of loss experienced by so many ppl

God bless

Not so sure  

Posted by: Angel

["I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love." - Mother Theresa

Does this even make sense. I hurt and hurt and hurt and seems to be no end to the amount of hurt I have felt the last few months. Granted I have felt worse no doubt and it can always get worse but what's worse than loving someone that don't love you back?

My horoscope  

Posted by: Angel


January 11

First Decanate

January 21 to January 30

Team work brings success
The people in your work environment are reacting in a particularly positive way towards you. Use this time to take on difficult challenges with your team which will help you get closer to your ultimate goal. The dynamic which is developing in your team will help you to overcome even the most difficult of tasks and bring success.

Second Decanate

January 31 to February 9

Strengthen family ties
Use the approaching time to reconnect with those people that play a part in your family life. Your commitment to care and relationships within the family are most appreciated and greeted with pleasure by all. Should there be some unresolved disputes in the family, there is a good chance of reconciliation.

Third Decanate

February 10 to February 19

Close friendships
The relationships within your close circle of friends will deepen and lead to some unforgettable experiences. Especially in your most important relationships where you are more closely bound, very positive processes built up over time will come to bear with incredible speed, cementing relationships even more. Accept everyone as they are and let the energy flow.



Posted by: Angel

I am so excited that there is finally an app for pinterest. Yup that's all for this entry. Please follow me. Xo.