Happy Valentine's day  

Posted by: Angel

I hate this day it makes for ppl like me who don't have a picture perfect life very depressed. Joel and I got back together just to break up. Again. I did it and he agrees that it's what's best we are ruining eachother. We are so much alike it is sickening. Our complaints are very similar.
Reflection is something everyone should do. I look at situations alot and try to figure out what role I played and the demise of our relationship is def b c when given the power like I gave Joel he took advantage of it. Walked all over me and that's my fault I fall too hard. And I allowed certain behavior to happen all many times that it became routine to get talked to like a pos.
I get no respect b.c I don't force it. I didn't stick up for myself not one time and he knew I wasn't going anywhere! So anyways it's over and yes I am sad but at the same time a little relieved. I know what I want and I thought he was it. He was supposed to be my best friend and always have my back but when that person becomes more of an enemy than someone you would talk too about anything u know things are so bad and maybe there isn't any turning back from that. I don't know.anymore!
All I know is noone deserves to be physically or emotionally abused regardless of what the issue is. And that has to be my motivation.
I wish he could just see it from my point of view. I could never even see him not in our lives and I can't see myself with someone else yet we cannot be together cuz I love myself more then to allow someone to simply dog me, out whenever the feeling arises
Riddle me this:
I am sitting on the bed crying to him and asking him to talk to me he pulls cover over his face turns out the light and says " shut up " ever since then I haven't really been able to give him my all. I can't tell you how many times he has hoed me when talking about our relationship. I'm a bitch yes but I show him my feelings and that I care and he just says I am emotional. Too emotional. Which when I think about it he is prolly right. I am. That's where I made all my mistakes. I came into this with an open mind and heart and quickly found myself emotionally stuck if you will. Never allow someone that power over,you. They will always use that power to their advantage and then u find urself heart broken b.c that person is taking complete advantage of you.
This is my blog my version thru my heart as I see n feel it. That's not to say I'm not wrong for things . I am very wrong for thinkn he was any different from anyone else.
It's sad b.c we can be such a great team but you can't make someone try or want to try. So when that's the case u have to remove yourself. When you realize things are not in the best interest of the kids and yourself then it's time to go. I don't want anyone else I will make that clear I love him so much but again you can't make someone be something they aren't and maybe just maybe this is how it's supposed to be. Sad to say but it is prolly the closest to the truth. My kids are u world and in the beginning he helped all the time with the kids and being a real family but just as men do he became bored I think and maybe that's why he,stopped but see they are my kids and I don't get to just stop and start and stop and start. .I am a mom 24/7 and I need someone who is human be there actively be there through it all without giving up.
Anyways that's all for now. I'm single now so I have alot more to blog about so stay tuned!

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