a little background....update  

Posted by: Angel

So as i look back and read some of the things that were going on in my life a year ago...its makes me realize that I am still a work in progress! Whats ironic is We(I) am still working on helping my children recover from what happened @ their dads spring break of 2010. Heres some background.....

Alyssa has exhibited characterisitics of being different since she was 3. She was very hard to raise. She was angry and would throw things in preschool/daycare. That is what happens when you have a child at such a young age. Her father and I had no clue as to what we were actually doing to our child the 7 years of her life as a single child. She watched her father and i fight, argue and show her behavior that is nothing short of unacceptable. Not making excuses but this is why when your parents tell you to finish school and become something before entertaining the idea of sex and the consequences that come with it. Anyways, so i get through age 3&4 with my lyssa bear. So she is ready for kindergarden. February of 2006 alyssa and I were invited to disney world. Jacqi ( my PIC) went with us and can testify that it was a holy nightmare for us both. LOL disney+5 yr old+young mom= not the happiest place on earth. JS. But while on this vacation Jacqui notices that alyssas behavior seems a bit odd. She had taken bear to the bathroom and notices her cleaning the bathroom. Picking things up off the floor and wiping the counter off....then we would go to spend disney bucks and lyss is straightening up the rows of toys and putting them where they go instead of looking for something to buy. Well, after the trip is over and we settle in from the vacation, We start ( her dad and I wait no just me not sure he ever notices anything w. his kids ) to notice lyss doing weird things at home. Like make her bed and never sleep under the covers. Line up all her toys along the wall. She even became really upset with me when i crawled in bed with her...and out of a deep sleep she yells at me for messing up her covers LOL. So I decide to take her to get some counceling b.c she then started with her food not touching. Therapist told me not to feed into any of it and hopefully she would grow out of it. Well here we are today and I have to make her clean her room!!! HAHAAHA!!!!!

During the next few years esp. kindergarden....granny passed away....popi passed away.....mamaw passed away and oma passed away. That is a lot for one child to try to understand. I mean I as an adult do not understand death and its complex reasoning whether your religious or not. How could i expect my child to understand where everyone went in her life. She loved granny and popi sooo much as they loved her. It was a loss a very deep great loss for all families surrounding those ppl. Lyss didn't know my mamaw. She only met her twice but she knew that i was sad from it. As a mother I should have taken her then and went for grief counseling but again....I was a selfish person I believe. I was worried about finishing school. The only thing I did good was when lyss went to kindergarden I went to h.s and I did finish. But how good is it when it was at the expense of my childs well being?
I know that her father plays a part in all of this but as her MOTHER....there just is no excuse. I am supposed to protect my children at all cost.....and when i was with her father I didn't. I allowed her to be subject to sooo many things. She witnessed her dad put his hands on me. Whew...um maybe next post I will get into that story!




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