Yes this is me " putting my whole life story on social media sites again" that being said I do have a support system but people have lives so I spend alot of my time in my own thoughts which kinda sucks. So my only way to vent is to blog about it.

My whole life has been full of curve balls and bumps in the road and I have been strong and able to get through each and everyone of them but this I am not so sure I can just be as strong this time. I feel like a piece of me is missing. My heart is broken. I busted my ass for two years to avoid this or these two things from happening. And now its happened and I don't know what to do how to I prepare for the next however long these things will take.......
I will not stop tho until this horrible kid is behind bars.

Oh my word with my car! Now dont get me wrong my car is all fixed and I am so happy for the awesome mechanic I had he taught me so much about my car I got to see where everything is under my car he showed me what happened and why it happened and quizzed me on what I will tell the shop that messed my car up. Which I got that down to a science so no worries there buuuuut I have to now go up there and get reimbursed for what they screwed up

I am so glad to be home!!!! It was nice don't get me wrong but I missed my baby and my man and my lovely mi family oh and my puppy!!!! Being gone for almost two weeks makes me very humbled and grateful for all the ones in my life who support me and are there for me! Glad my girl and I got to make up hope to visit her face later this week! My daughter was so good she was polite and very good. It was a great bonding experience for us both and boy did we miss our brayden. I seen a post and it made me think long and hard about certain things that have been weighing on my heart. Those things that have bothered me don't and shouldn't mean shit to me. One person isn't worth the worry or even thought but at the same time its shitty cuz I thought we were friends. But realizing you were never really friends isn't something that I have learned over night. I have awesome people that adore my kids and love and accept me for me. I don't know why I tend to worry about the ones who could careless. Oh well I am in good spirits and am so happy to be home. Nothing else should matter. I had a great mothers day that was spent with my mom and family and joels entire family. Ray and dan met and talked and became friends discussing union shit lol guess men will bond over anything.
I have so much to do now that I am home I have ti go to fia office oops dhs office and to vet with nala drop more money I don't have blahhh I also am hopefully starting a job if the position is open still. I will have to call in a few

Ahhhh so nothing else to do except blog for now got a few things to get off my mind.
Omg with the drama down here between my dad n brother its ridiculous and I am stuck in the middle its pretty lame but still in good spirits as far as that goes!

Now something that I find laughable is the fb delete I got lol good thing she did it before I had a chance too. I am so sick and tired of the retarded way this girl thinks. Your a shitty friend bro. Its not all about u . U look for reasons to be pissed and to dog me on fb like we are in hs or no middle school. Pick up a phone like a woman and tell Me what ur problem is. That's what a real friend does u don't just get to be rude and hurtful over two things I know of that I couldn't control. My kids come first whether its appts or t ball either way I didn't do anything wrong for the attitude and bs I have been given from you. But I am only blogging about it b.c unfortunately talking like women don't work! Oh wait that's right we never had issues before til u created them in your own mind. How dare you act like your better than me. And that ur some sort of great friend. How about inviting me more than the day its on or whatever. U show no interest in me or my life what so ever. I thought and considered u a close friend so this all of this is a slap In the face. But trust that this will be my last blog about this topic. I have no time to play middle school kid shit with anyone. Shit happens things come up holding a grudge and putting some dumb shit on fb is very much some bullshit. U don't care how u make others feel its all about how someone makes u feel. I tried to get close with her and it was only a matter of time before some dumb shit happens I knew it. I have no need to fight and argue with my friends. My real friends. Im over it.

So this has been a very odd beginning to my vacation. My car took a shit and just decided not to work anymore lol if u know me u know u would just have to laugh it off which is what I did. In a potentially extremely stressful situation I remained calm as did kevin so alyssa wouldn't get anymore scared. We did some problem solving and figured out a plan that is being executed beautifully :) I am now laying out in the gorgeous sun. Listening to the quietness, calmness and sounds of nature. This is where I shall remain for the remainder of this day. Tomorrow we head to the ATL BABY!!! LOL I can't wait to get there and see my aunt n uncle. Was so worried about not being able to get there. Wheew! Once we get there its smooth sailing stay two days come back to my brothers and enjoy another couple days :)

I am super excited lyss and I leave for Tennessee/Georgia in two days. I am sooo excited to see my family. And to just get away things are so stressful here. Appointments all the time non stop and not really having. Much help joel helps when he can but there's not much he can do & lyss wuz heree (;
Lol got hacked earlier ..
It will be nice to just clear my head. My fuse is short these days but people are just being weird about dumb shit and im just overwhelmed. U get what u give. I am not going to overly exert myself for someone who clearly don't attempt even a little about me my kids my life not so much as a comment yet all on fb just straight rudeness its uncalled for!!!!!! If you don't like me cool if you would rather be rude make comments and speak about me behind my back instead of telling me then fine by me. Im exhausted by real things in life. I don't have the energy in me to fight and argue about something so ridiculous. Grasping straws! Im over it you hurt my feelings more than once and not one time apologize but want to attempt to call me on being a bad friend.
Anyways.....like I said I can't wait to get away! :) all smiles tomorrow is Wednesday which Wednesdays are always busy but extra busy I cuz b has tee ball game awwwww n he n his team is sooo cute.

I hate how certain people love to judge your life based solely upon fb status. Its sickening to me. No things aren't perfect and no I definitely don't just sit around and do nothing all day just to avoid helping out someone whom I thought was my friend turns out it was a conditional friendship. It sucks b.c I really considered her one of my closest friends this year she and I have gotten close and over some things I wont repeat on here I don't even get acknowledge. Its sad and my feelings have been hurt b.c the person I turned to for advice and such has just dipped out and even more messed up refuses to tell me to my face why or what I did or why I deserve to just being a nobody to her. I mean don't get me wrong im not like down n out about this its just something that has been weighing on my heart a little. I don't ever try to hurt anyone ever and I try to help ppl when I can but if you don't talk to me and tell me why your mad then nothing gets resolved. I don't want or need drama . I don't ask ppl for help very often and all I need from my friends is every now ans then someone just to talk to. And I don't have that anymore with this person for reasons im not even sure of. Im sure she has a list of things but I can't apologize for something I don't know what I did. I take my friendships seriously. I don't have intentions on ever being shitty to people I don't ever try to do things to hurt ppls feelings and I will always own up to my mistakes but I have to be aware of them first. Also its a two way street. Friends need eachother all the time but if u don't ask people wont just offer. I love this girl like a sister I really do and it sucks cuz she wont even talk to me I think about her daily and her kids. I love being able to help ppl out and I will as long as my busy ass schedules don't conflict with it. Its sad that we don't talk so many times I have cried over shit I am going thru and not being able to pick up the phone and call her sucks. I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. I don't know if I should send an email but at this point I have tried to talk to her on fb and I just get ignored. What a shitty feeling that is but I can also understand how she feels alone dealing with her issues but don't push me out of your life I can help out its just certain days are soooo busy I can't even think straight. I have so much on my plate its hard to keep up. And to have noone to just cry too when things are so overwhelming is hard. I don't know I just wish she knew how upset I am over us not really being close anymore. I love her and her babies soooo much like consider them family. Even tho I am not able to be there to help as much I still would like to help in some way. I think of her often and I hope and have prayed that her health gets better and that maybe one day she will talk to me. I am afraid to send an email b.c I don't want there to be drama. I always have good intentions and whether she was able to see that or maybe she viewed it differently. I dont know but this is something that I really wish would get resolved. I miss her and the kids soooo much. Im not a hard ass I don't like hurting people but I am only human and I make mistakes and maybe my good intentions are over looked but honest to god I never meant to hurt her or make her feel I am not a good person or friend. She has helped and offered to do alot of things she didn't have to do but it almost feels like b.c I can't reciprocate it the same way that that makes me a bad friend. But the one and only reason I would appear to not care or be there is strictly b.c I have soooooo much going on that's all. Well I guess that's it I just needed to vent. I have started to send her an email but when I was being flat out ignored and proven that I don't mean shit to her my feelings became really hurt. I love hanging with her going to visit in the am seeing her kids that I love to death. I would love for them to spend the night here or just take em for a few hrs a day one day but she wont even talk to me:( and I feel like maybe I should email her but at the same time I have tried on fb and got completely ignored. So what does one do I mean im not going to chase her down maybe if she wants the friendship she will hit me up I doubt it but hopeful at the same time. We are going to the circus today and I thought of her n her babies but can't ask her b.c she wont speak to me. Sigh

Gosh I can't wait to go see my family. I need some contact with my brother other than over the phone
Its been a long time since I have been able to actually visit my aunt and uncle I think the last time I seen them was at my mamaws funeral :( sucks to visit under the circumstances but they are doing so good considering they should of died its an absolute miracle they are still alive. Lyss is coming with me and I couldn't be happier. Its some bonding time with just her and I . And my brother has a few choice words for his niece. Lol

Next Thursday I will be leaving to go visit my family in Tennessee and Georgia and I am bringing lyss with me. This is going to be awesome haven't seen them in a year now since my surgery super stoked! And lyss is soooo geeked gosh it couldn't get here any faster

So I didn't get a chance to speak with the school so I have an appt tomorrow at 1230 so hopefully things go okay and i can get some answers. I am recording the entire convo due to the lack of professionalism this school is known for. But I got to visit my aunt and cousin which is good. Its been a while
now.

I haven't heard anything more about my aunt and uncle in Georgia but I am driving down to see them on may fourth. Thank god for them wearing helmets wow!

Yet another busy week full of stupid appts for both my babies. Picking up braydens baseball uniform today. I have to go to the school today and have a coming to jesus with the principle who thought it would be appropriate to tell my child next time he sees her will be on a & e . And gave her inschool for a text msg that was sent before school even started. Ugh this school pisses me off. Tomorrow I have to take both my kids to the doctors. Then I have kindergarten round up for my bay bay! He is getting sooooooo big it makes me sad.
My new pup makes up for my baby blues well kinda.

Ahhhh as if it wasn't bad enough with the shit going on with lyss but last night she found a bump near her breast. Ahhhhh my heart dropped. I played it cool told her we will get it looked at but it's scary. My mom has had non malignant nodules before few times so it runs in the family. Well guess it's more specialists. Thank God for the friends and family I have to be there for moral support. :)

I have a book that keeps all my appointment s in it. B.c I am so incredibly busy. I have a few people that are aware of the kind of stress I am under on a daily basis.
As the weeks go by and I feel things are getting better yet another rocky road begins.
My daughter has been diagnosed with type two diabetes. And is being tested for a certain kind of thyroid disorder..... all in one week one appointment then two days after she gets suspended from school and this weekend I had to admit her into an all girls home. :) it's really hard b.c I do it alone. No support from her father. Nothing.
So I would just like to say that for the people who are go ing thru things BE GRATEFUL FOR HAVING THE FATHER AND FAMILY SUPPORT RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. B.c YOU can never imagine the pain and heartache one goes thru and to do it all alone is very sad.

I can't believe a year ago I was laying in the icu recovering from having a partial lung resection. Wow what has changed since then.
I felt very loved at the time and blessed and lucky for the people I had in my life supporting me throughout.
Little did I know that going thru that would cost me a life long friendship. But that's what happens in life. People are added and removed from your life for reasons.
I am grateful for everyone I have in my life and thank God for each day I am given.

Finally I had such a good weekend. Spent it with family and great friends. It was much needed. Had a bbq yesterday and everyone came over. Melissa and I made up. Lyss and jazmine hung out and played on the trampoline together. Tiff and I were shocked.:) food was great and the company was even better. I got some much needed snuggle time with mah love.

Things seem to be looking up for me as far as dealing with this depression and serious mood swings:( whew! It was rough for a while.
So glad to have the few people I do:) they kinda rock.
Things with Joel are finally better which is soooooo awesome!
The coffee today tastes especially good today:) lol
Denny and I had family therapy with alyssa well I kinda sat and listened while The entire conversation was about dani. Go figure! But few things set in place so that lyss and her dad can get back their relationship.
I don't know what is going to happen with lyss but I do know her and I have a great relationship. She tells me everything. I mean eevveerryyyyything some things I can live without knowing. Lol I mean don't get me wrong she has a smart mouth and always could use an attitude adjustment but what 12 yr old don't.

It's soooo annoying. Omg I seriously don't know what to do but it's become very bothersome. If it's not an " accidental " phone call three times a month it's random friend requests and now on pinterest with nothing but rude things to say. Just leave me alone how bout that. Your wife and I are not friends anymore so why hit me up we were friends only were b.c of your wife......taking immature stabs at me is getting ridiculous to say the least.
Now I was told to " leave you the fuck alone " get a life blah blah yet I feel like I am being stalked. Random pics sent to my email the other day followed by a FB friend request. Just stoppppppp! I don't bother you we are not a part of eachothers lives anymore haven't been for a longgg time. Let me be. It's weird if things were going so great in your life why I would be of such priority grrrrrr.

So typically I wouldn't even waste my time blogging about something like this but it's really frustrating when someone is purposely being shitty to you for absolutely No reason.

I am not working b.c of all the things that have went on with my oldest. The amount of appointments and things I have to do daily can be very overwhelming to say the least.
Sorry your pissed at me for not freeing up my appointments to accommodate yours but in my world my kids come first.
You dogg out your friends on FB for not dropping what they are doing to help you out yet your ghost when your friends need something even just a phone call.
I absolutely do not have time in my life to deal with a so called friend who requires such attention. It's ridiculous that you would assume that everyone of your friends will just be at your beckon call. If you need something ask. Don't expect us to track you down and beg you to watch your kids like seriously. I offered and you declined sooooo to try and put some shit out on FB making it out to be that you have some shady friends is bull shit. Then when I ask about it u purposely ignore me.
Aren't we adults here.....
Your reason is you didn't want to drive in a circle well sorry but sometimes you have to if that means u have a sitter. And welcome to be ing a mom. I can't tell you how many times I have worried every day about not having a sitter. It's part of life it's part of being a mom.

I am so livid at how absolutely spoiled rotten you are acting. I don't have time to chase u and beg u to let me watch ur kids. You tell me No problem u got it covered yet your posts on fb are a direct insult to me and tiff. Who might I add was at work all day. And yes I enjoyed the nice day with my son so freaking what. Where the hell do u get off being mad at anyone about enjoying a nice day with their kids.
I can't even describe how disrespected I feel right now and I am seriously considering even being your friend anymore. I call u don't answer I text u don't respond I offer u ignore me so that's your fault your bad. Sorry sweetie but the world does not revolve around you.
Ohh and I even offered to go with you to your appointments and yet I'm shitty what everrr

It's really hard to trust anyone these days. The people you once thought were there for you tend to let you down a lot. People are very selfish and it's pretty pathetic.
I like doing things to help out my friends might not be a lot at times but I do what I can and I do it not to expect something in return. So many people will help you or attempt to do things to help and then you realize it was a complete set up b.c what they were really doing was testing you to see if you are willing to do the same regardless of circumstances.

I don't understand why people insist on pretending life is so grand and perfect and lovely! Makes me sick how fake ppl will be just so others view them in a certain wayyy! Esp via fb. It's quite laughable but me I will just keep it real although I don't post it on FB life sucks. Always has and always will I assume!!!! I can't help but wonder where life is taking me if only I could see even a year from now that would be helpful. My baby girl is having thyroid issues and now we have to see a specialist at children's hospital. Damn I was just there with my baby boy. Oh and that was quite an interesting day for me. Grandpa shows up with his new wife and her daughter brandi <- hate herrr and her kid who conviently enough is having surgery same day and time as brayden ha what are the odds lol out of all the people to see it had to be him and them. Mom kept her cool which I was proud of .....he didn't say a word to me or my son or my mom he did however speak yo ray which was weird. I guess it bothers me b.c I know my oma would have been there for us and seeing him reminds me of just how fucked up this family really was. I mean I don't consider him family haven't for a long time but the memories still bother me. Enjoy my gmas money and house and cars.... God don't like ugly and u will have to answer to someone for your actions. I don't understand why life brings people together at the same place and time like what the he'll is the meaning of it. The point of it all is to be understood! I am glad and so very thankful for my mother she truly is my best friend I don't know what I would do without her in my life. She is the only one who has stood by me thru it all good bad and ugly. I can't imagine my life without my mom she truly is my saving grace! I may not have a ton of family and a ton of friends but the few people in my life that are family and friends I truly cherish! Depression is No joke and I have been battling with it for a little while now and some days are good and other days not soooo much! But No matter what I know I have somewhat of a support system. I don't know how to pull myself out of this funk it's pretty painful on most days......I barely have the motivation to get out of bed it's my kids who keep me going and somehow for my babies I am able to find the strength to get shit done!!!! Although my daughter gives me more gray hair than desired her and brayden are my world and without them I would have nothing to live for. No desire to do anything. On another note my life is much more in order than it was even a year ago. Gosh I wouldn't change a single thing that has happened in the past.... well okay maybe I would change a few things but nothing major. Everything happens for a reason. Ahhhhh it's been so long since I last blogged